Getting a cancer diagnosis is overwhelming to say the least.

To be overwhelmed by something is to be overpowered or overcome by it, and cancer can bring many such feelings and emotions.

The early days of a diagnosis can be the most overwhelming and stressful.

Not only are you suddenly processing the news of being unwell, but in the meantime, there are so many decisions to make. Decisions about which doctor to choose, which treatment path to take, decisions about how to share this news with friends and family, or if you should share it. Too many decisions!

A wave of overwhelm

Picture standing in the ocean, when suddenly a powerful wave breaks over you and knocks you over.

Perhaps you sit in the surf, dazed, while more waves continue to pound you into the sand.

That’s certainly how I felt.

My story

At just 37 years old, I was diagnosed with stage IV bile duct cancer, which is incurable and has a life expectancy of only about a year or so.

My life seemed headed on a predictable path, until I started having some strange symptoms: lower back pain that led to back spasms and then a terrible diagnosis.

I was otherwise very healthy, happily married and a new father. Then suddenly, cancer upended everything. You can read my full story in the About Us section on this website.

Finding your footing

After being knocked over by the initial waves of my diagnosis, eventually I stood back up and tried to regain my footing. In fairness, I didn’t just “pick myself up.” I had a lot of support and help from family and especially through my relationship with God. But it certainly took time and finding a pathway of hope.

Later, I wanted to share some of what I learned to help others, which is how Hope Has Arrived began in 2018.

In interacting with thousands of people facing cancer, let me share a few thoughts about finding your footing in these early days of feeling overwhelmed.

Here’s a few steps I recommend taking to avoid the overwhelming feelings:

5 Steps to take

1. Lean into your places of hope.

   We all have places that we find hope, whether that is through our support network of family and friends, good medical care and our spiritual beliefs. Go there. Now is the time to lean into those places of hope.

2. Give yourself grace.

   Be easy on yourself; you are going through a lot right now. Give yourself grace and space to process this. Sometimes we can be our own harshest critic, and right now you need to give yourself space be ok with not being ok.

3. Simplify your life.

   When you are facing cancer, you have less capacity to deal with normal struggles. Part of being overwhelmed is trying to deal your diagnosis while simultaneously balancing the rest of your life. As much possible, simplify your life and pull back from some things so you can focus on finding your footing. Right now, less will be more.

4. Meet with health professionals.

   Like it or not, finding good medical care is an essential part of finding hope on a cancer journey. It’s helpful to meet with doctor and find out more about what you are facing. You should also seek a second or third opinion if you are not satisfied with the answers you are getting. Of course, being a person of faith, I believe in miracles, but often God seems to use medicine as part of that process (though he doesn’t have to).

5. Pray and ask for prayer.

   When facing challenging days, it’s a good time to ask for help outside of yourself. This was helpful for me, and I’m not alone. Many people facing cancer have found strength and peace through praying and asking God for help. In fact, a recent survey by the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention indicated that 69% of cancer survivors pray regularly about their health. To learn more about prayer, see the resources at the end of the article, or the “Finding God” section.

5 Steps NOT to take:

Now that I have shared a few helpful steps to take, I think it may also be helpful to share a few steps to avoid. In some ways, these might be as important for what steps to take.

1. Don’t abandon hope.

   It can be easy when we face difficult circumstances to feel like we will never find hope again. Yet, none of us know our future. Even if you try to envision what is ahead, know it will likely be different than what you think. Therefore, why abandon hope, when hope is what you need most of all? As you think about what you are facing, what are some ways that you might be able to find hope?

2. Don’t envision the worst-case scenario.

   It can be easy when facing cancer to go to the worst-case scenario. Envisioning this only brings pain. Hope is not ignoring the challenges, but embracing the possibilities for your future. Avoid focusing on the worst outcome, knowing it may not turn out that way. Look for the possibilities. Look for the hope.

3. Avoid researching your diagnosis if it increases your fear.

   This is especially true if you have a serious diagnosis. Dr. Google and ChatGPT won’t hold back on grim statistics that may or not be applicable to your situation. Talk to a doctor to help you understand more about the specifics of what you are facing. And if you want to research more about it, perhaps you can enlist the help of a trusted family member or friend who won’t feel so afraid when they poke around.

4. Don’t keep your diagnosis a secret.

   Sometimes keeping it a secret only increases the fear. Some people shout their diagnosis from the rooftops, while others may tell only a select few. We all process things differently, but know you should let someone in on what you are facing, so you are not alone.

5. Don’t spend too much time in draining places.

   Countless studies have shown the negative impacts of social media. If you really want to find refreshment and hope, scrolling around your newsfeed may not be the best place (I say this with some irony, because maybe this is how you found Hope Has Arrived). It is wise to consider how much time you are spending in places that drain your hope rather than give it. During this season, try to limit your time with social media, toxic people, and other activities that steal hope rather than give it.

More about Hope Has Arrived

In the midst of the great overwhelm of cancer, I created Hope Has Arrived to help drown out the noise and give you what you need most: hope. Our purpose is to help people find hope, strength and peace against cancer through four different ways:

• Stories of hope
• Strength for the journey
• Asking God for help
• Prayer and Support Group

You can find out more here.

I have found each of these to be crucial for people walking through cancer, along with their family and friends. Here’s a bit more about why each is helpful.

Hopeful stories

Stories can give hope, as I experienced it firsthand. It was difficult to find examples of people facing a similar cancer type to mine, especially that were hopeful. But I did hear of one.

I heard of a guy who also had bile duct cancer, who had been living for seven years and counting. While I didn’t ever get to meet him, knowing that he far surpassed the life expectancy opened to my eyes to possibilities.

Strength for the journey

I also longed to find some articles written by people with experience that would give me some helpful advice about what I was facing and would later face. But it was hard to find any that were not hopeless or had an agenda, like joining a specific clinic.

I also wanted to hear more advice than just “fight it,” as for my type of cancer, this would likely be futile.

Asking God for help

The power of prayer cannot be overstated. I found so much hope and peace when I prayed…not just for myself, but for my family and other people I knew that were facing hard times.

Today, not everyone comes from a spiritual background. People write us all of the time asking us about how to pray, how to make sure God hears them and they are doing it right. We like to help give them some tracks to run on with prayer. The article Asking God for Help has been especially popular on our website.

Prayer and Support Group

Lastly, finding community can be very helpful. That’s why we created a prayer and support group on Facebook. We have hundreds of members who are fighters, survivors and caregivers who would love to pray for you. You are not alone, nor were you ever meant to be!

Help with the Great Overwhelm

I know there are a lot of places online, even within the cancer space, that are trying to get you to join their next course or webinar or get coaching. Then they bombard you with info until they get you to do what they want you to do.

Let me tell you, that is not the purpose of Hope Has Arrived.

We don’t want to add to your overwhelm, but to help be place that frees you from it. Our goal is serve as a resource to help you find hope…when you are ready and on your terms. You can search through our resources, or check out our community. We will be here to help you find hope, strength and peace when you need us.

My prayer is that you will find hope today and all your days ahead, even while facing the great overwhelm of cancer.