Enjoy Every Second
How the cancer diagnosis of two family members taught a basketball coach to savor every moment.
I have learned to enjoy every second with my family because life has no guarantees.
More than sentiment, these words have become something I live by after my dad and oldest son were unexpectedly diagnosed with cancer.
Unexpected events
My wife and I live in Beaumont, Texas, where I am a basketball coach at my high school alma mater. I’m a proud father of two sons, both who played basketball for me.
I grew up in a very athletic family and my dad was one of the healthiest and active people I know. At age 72 he worked out 7 days a week for at least an hour per day.
That’s why it was so surprising when he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in January of 2021 and passed away that March.
Then, just six weeks later, my mother-in-law passed away. These experiences and the resulting grief changed my life profoundly.
So would my oldest son, Jaystan’s, cancer diagnosis a year or so later.
A mother’s intuition
That Christmas, Jaystan, came home from Manhattan Christian College, where he was playing on the basketball team.
When my wife saw him, she thought he looked pale.
Jaystan’s response was, “Mom, I’m living in Kansas and we can’t go anywhere or do anything for fear of getting COVID and having our games be suspended.”
At the time, during the height of the pandemic, his explanation seemed plausible.
A shocking discovery
When Jaystan came back home for spring break, my wife still thought he looked pale. She sent him to the doctor, where they confirmed he was vitamin D deficient and anemic (iron deficient). Still, he was working out multiple times per day, and otherwise seemed very healthy.
A few months later, Jaystan grew so sick and in pain that he couldn’t participate in any activities. An MRI and colonoscopy confirmed the truth: he had a mass blocking his colon that doctors later said was adenocarcinoma, or colon cancer. We would also later discover he had lynch syndrome, a condition which increases the chances of several types of cancer.
Fear of cancer
When the doctor said the words, “adenocarcinoma,” I bent over and put my hands on knees like a coach would do in a stressful basketball game. I felt all the blood rush to my head and feared the worst for my son.
My dad had also had adenocarcinoma, which added to the fear. However, I soon learned that adenocarcinoma of the colon is much different than that of the pancreas.
Still, Jaystan faced an uphill battle, especially after surgery and a subsequent scan at MD Anderson Cancer Center revealed the cancer had spread to his liver and the wall of his stomach.
He now had stage IV colon cancer.
How I found hope, strength and peace against cancer
When your back is against the wall and you’ve got nothing else, I often turn to God for help.
I grew up in a Christian family, and faith has been important to me, but there were many years where I wasn’t living it out.
Hope for me came when I truly gave the situation to God. There’s a big difference between turning to God and giving it to God, in my opinion.
It’s hard for us to give our struggles to God because we are designed to fix and solve our own problems. But when reached the level of desperation, like I have, and we surrender the outcome to God, that’s where I found the hope and strength to live each day.
Enjoying every second
Finding this hope also helped me enjoy every second with Jaystan.
I first learned this lesson when Jaystan faced kidney disease at only 20 months old: minimal change nephrotic syndrome, which can lead to organ failure.
His treatment proved successful and he grew up healthy and strong—strong enough to play collegiate level basketball.
A father’s crisis
When he had the kidney disease, and later cancer, I kept asking myself the same question, “Am I doing enough to save my son?”
Talking to a Catholic priest changed my perspective. “You need to understand that he is not your son, that he is God’s child,” he said. “Your job is to love him and take care of him and enjoy every single day that you have with him while you have him.”
That resonated with me, and it was like a switch flipped in my brain. I vowed to love him and enjoy every single second with him—no matter what happened.
Enjoying every second
Walking through Jaystan’s cancer journey, I truly learned to live one day at a time.
I can literally remember days where I would wake up and I go, “You know what? Jaystan is still alive today. He’s alive and he’s here, and I am so thankful for that.”
Medical hope
At MD Anderson, we found some surprising medical hope. The doctors suggested a clinical trial using chemo and immunotherapy that had helped cure another stage IV colon cancer patient.
Jaystan sat out a semester of college in Kansas, returned home, and received treatment every other Monday. He stopped playing basketball, but the upside was he helped me coach, meanwhile started attending the local college.
Amazingly, the clinical trial worked. As of November 22, doctors declared him no evidence of disease and we are so grateful. His story has been so inspiring that it has been featured in several podcasts and also Men’s Health magazine.
Proud Dad
If you saw Jaystan today, you’d never know what he has been through. He’s more muscular and active than he has ever been, though sadly his days of playing college basketball are done.
The plus side is that coming back home opened a new career path for him, as he started working for the athletic department at the local college. He now works in their marketing department and is pursuing his master’s degree.
I am so proud of him. While I love to talk about what he has overcome, he’s such a humble kid and often shies away from talking to people about it. He would rather just be seen as a normal person and work hard for what he gets rather than have it handed to him.
Advice for others
The biggest piece of advice I would share is don’t second guess yourself. If you think something is not right with your health or someone you love, then it probably is. You need to be your biggest advocate for yourself, or your family. Nobody knows better than you. It’s ok to push and press doctors. It’s ok to question them and get second opinions.
You also need to surround yourself with a support system.
Lastly, give your struggle to God. You’ve got to trust that whatever his plan is for you, that it’s for a greater good.
Giving it to God will help free you to enjoy every second you can with those you love—like I endeavor to do.
For more about how to begin a relationship with God see Knowing God Personally.
To unlock the power of prayer see Asking God for Help.
Is cancer a punishment from God? Discover the encouraging answer in this article.
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How to find God’s hope, strength and peace
