The memories of past Christmases blur together, but I won’t soon forget that one Christmas—the same year I was diagnosed with cancer.

That year was especially memorable and hopeful amidst at time that was anything but. In my broken and shattered state, I think I needed to experience the feeling of home more than I ever realized.

Background

Earlier that year, March of 2016, I received the life-altering news that I had stage IV bile duct cancer.

I was only 37 years old, young and seemingly healthy. My wife and I had just had a daughter, so we were not thinking about life ending but beginning.

How quickly life can change. Soon I embarked on a new and dark experience: doctor appointments, a grim diagnosis, and fearing for my future.

Next steps

After I was diagnosed in March of 2016, and I spent the next several months in cancer treatment—which included radiation, chemotherapy, immunotherapy, and targeted therapy. All the therapies. Too many therapies.

By the time November hit, I was a pale and weakened version of myself, a good 15 pounds lighter. But perhaps the greatest hit was emotional—all the fear, pain and loneliness and how it wears on your identity.

To read my full story, see the About Us section of this website.

Being uprooted

One part of my experience that was particularly challenging was abruptly moving a few states away after my diagnosis to be near my family. We thought the move would be temporary, but as the months went on it became clear it would be longer term.

It was a blessing to be near my family, but it was also traumatic to be uprooted unexpectedly from our life in Colorado—our home, our job and especially our friends and community. We felt a bit like refugees, in that we were displaced because of circumstances beyond our control.

When Christmas approached, I welcomed the opportunity to return to the familiar of where we used to live before cancer.

Christmas in Colorado

Like a lot of families, my wife and I rotate our Christmas vacations with each other’s family. This year, we would be with hers in Colorado.

It always takes a lot of energy to travel during the holidays, especially with a 1.5-year-old, but even more so after you have been through a physical and emotional hell. We arrived in Colorado Springs beat up and weary, hoping this trip would be worth it.

How I found hope, strength and peace

I am not a sentimental person. I prefer Christmas music to be only played a few weeks around Christmas, and that’s it.

However, there was something magical and hopeful about spending Christmas in Colorado that year, that something was uplifting to our souls. And even…dare I say, worth being sentimental about?

Just being in Colorado again for a few days, felt like a return to the life I’d left behind—the mountains, our friends, the bright blue skies and sunshine.

We were able to visit some friends and hike in familiar places like Garden of the Gods State Park.

Home in another family

But it wasn’t just the place, it was the people.

I’ve always enjoyed my wife’s family. We are blessed to be close with both our families. When I married Elizabeth, what I didn’t expect was how I would find another part of my family that I would also feel at home with.

Her mom, like mine, knows how to create a wonderful holiday.

My wife’s parents live in a craftsman house from the early 1900s. It’s cozy, like flannel-pajamas-cozy, and when decorated looks like a quintessential Christmas house, especially wrapped with tinsel and wreaths and a Star of Bethlehem on top. And there’s the tree—so meticulously decorated.

Her mom often rolls out the red carpet for holidays (like my mom). On Christmas morning, she makes Carmel rolls and a fruit salad and then we enjoy presents and stockings—an opportunity to give small gifts to everyone in the family.

A safe environment

Her family is kind and easy to be around, but this year it seemed even more than usual. Her parents let us stay in their room, while they moved to the guest room, which proved critical for a good night of sleep.

Ever since having cancer, I struggled with back pain, especially at night, and the adjustable bed proved just what I needed. So much so, that later Elizabeth and I purchased a similar one, too.

Also, her family, her siblings and their spouses treated us normally but also said things that were encouraging and helpful when the conversation of my health came up. They also kept silent with the things that were better left unsaid.

We felt the blessings of home, being loved and care for in a safe environment. I have often feel that way with my own family, but it was surprising to find it in another family, too.

Even while living under the cloud of uncertainty of cancer, this Christmas in Colorado gave us a welcome and hopeful reprieve.

Finding home

Maybe this kind of experience of finding home seems impossible for you right now. Not every family dynamic is positive, and there is plenty to disgree or be divided about or perhaps your family members have passed on, or you just find yourself in a lonely place in life for whatever reason.

But you we can all find home—a place of rest and safety and encouragement. And that home is through a relationship with God.

As Jesus said in Matthew 11, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”

God wants to give you a comfortable home where you can be yourself and feel nurtured and cared for. No matter what circumstances you are facing right now.

Meaning of Christmas

The meaning of Christmas is that God sent his son, Jesus, into the world to rescue us from our sins and welcome us into his family. He came to give us a home, a place your soul can find rest, even amidst the difficulties you face. It might not be the experience you grew up with, but you will be welcomed into this family.

Jesus said that he has prepared a place for you in God’s house:

“My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have you that I am going to prepare a place for you?” (John 14:2)

If you long for home this Christmas, know you can find it.

Advice for others

If you have family in your life, appreciate them. Be thankful for them. No family is perfect, but we must do our best to seek the good in others. Seek to make your holidays together peaceful and create positive memories.

Perhaps you will find home outside of your immediate family—whether it is friends or people from your church, support group or in your community.

And of course, know you can find the best home in God himself.

Do you have a relationship with him? If not, today is great to begin one and find your truest home in Jesus Christ this Christmas. To learn more, read this article: “Knowing God Personally.”

 

For more help with how to encourage someone with cancer, see What to Say to Someone with Cancer.