Hope in the Flatline
How a cardiac emergency during my cancer journey reminds us of our need for community.
As I observed the excited faces of nurses and doctors crowded in my sunlit hospital room, waiting to watch my flatline, I thought, “I sure hope they know what they’re doing.”
Moments earlier, my body had decided it was exhausted from the last two years of tests, surgical procedures and chemotherapy as a direct result of my stage three testicular cancer diagnosis.
My heart was pounding like a drum—I was going into cardiac arrest. The vitals monitor loudly announced a warning: “Beep! Beep! Beep!” Meanwhile, several healthcare workers rushed in and out of my room.
Medical Intervention
The only significant physical sign of my erratic heartbeat was it visibly looked like my heart was about to burst out of my chest. Nurses attempted simple measures, such as applying a cold compress to my forehead, bringing multiple box fans to my bedside and having me do breathing exercises.
But nothing was working. The rapid 400 beats per minute was steady, and I needed help. My heart could not keep this rhythm up for an extended period, and the medical team began discussing the next steps for care. My future felt entirely in their hands.
I would quickly learn that some types of medical intervention are more shocking than others.
A cardiac crisis
My nurse informed me they were preparing an injection for the IV in my arm meant to alleviate the current cardiac crisis. This was my third surgery during my battle with testicular cancer, and intravenous medication felt standard to me.
However, after a few moments, I began to wonder. I watched nurses and doctors scurry in and out of my room, make phone calls to colleagues, and stare at my heart monitor. Within 10 minutes, my hospital room was filled with all available nurses, doctors and residents.
I knew this was a teaching hospital, so I assumed they were all here to learn. I soon realized their real motivation: they wanted to watch this drug, adenosine, do its magic.
My nurse flushed my IV, looked at his watch, and said, “Okay, I am going to push this through now—it may feel a little cool.”
Immediately, my heart began to slow down…until it stopped.
I had flatlined and my future became uncertain.
Finding hope, strength, and peace
My ultimate hope during my cancer journey has always rested on Jesus’ supremacy. He controls everything, even in moments of surprise when the outcome isn’t what you expected. Knowing that Jesus experienced deep pain, sorrow and grief is comforting.
He knows us, feels what we feel, cares and sees. These realities bring me great hope in moments of fear and even longer seasons of uncertainty.
Much like a physical flatline, I’ve also experienced circumstances in which I have spiritually flatlined. When I make vain attempts to work my way out of a situation and isolate myself instead of asking for help, this often indicates poor spiritual heart health. These moments have mostly occurred when I try hard to do life alone. They happen when I refuse to admit my desperate dependency on God and also with other people.
My life begins to flatline.
The moment that felt like forever
Back when I was experiencing a literal flatline at the hospital, I could barely move, and I couldn’t speak. My hearing also no longer worked. Silence. It felt like a thousand pounds of weight was sitting on my chest.
I looked at my nurse, still staring at his watch, and mouthed, “I can’t breathe.”
His response, I’ll never forget it—while holding up one finger, he seemingly mouthed (my hearing was still gone), “One second.”
While waited for what seemed like forever, the nurses and doctors patiently watched my heart monitor. Then, in a flash, cheers and sounds of relief filled the crowded room. My heartbeat kicked in again and soon returned to normal.
I learned quickly the primary reason so many medical professionals were interested in my health. They wanted to watch my heart monitor flatline—and more importantly see this lifesaving intervention return my heartbeat to normal.
And see it they did.
Not made to do life alone
I’ve recalled this flatline experience several times in my life. I would be dead if I didn’t have a team of nurses and doctors to help me; my heart would have given out. There would have been no one there to administer the necessary medicine safely. Care for my overall person would be absent or severely diminished and my quality of life would be poor.
Thankfully, like this experience reminds me, we aren’t made to do life alone.
I was made in the image of God and designed for community. I need help. This need points me to my greater need: I need and indeed have a Savior, Jesus. Having a committed community of friends who are aware of my needs, who pray for me, and who challenge me also helps me and keeps my spiritual heart beating—so I don’t flatline.
Witnessing my flatline reminds me that I need a team in my life. And so do you.
Advice for others
If you’re currently fighting cancer as a survivor, or a caregiver, know that you don’t have to do this alone. Of course, not all situations will be as dramatic as my flatline, or cardiac emergency, but there will be times where a community is necessary for better holistic health. This is the life God wants for you: to be known and loved by others.
Your story matters.
Take some time right now to consider those who are currently in your life. Give them a call. Text them. Let your people know how you’re doing, and ask them how they are, too.
We need people in our lives! We are not meant to go through this alone!
Two steps to find more community
Today, I want you to consider a few ways you can live in community. First, know that if you don’t have a relationship with God, you can discover one here.
Second, if you are a cancer survivor, fighter or caregiver, check out the Hope Has Arrived community (see the link below). As one of the leaders, I can tell you we have a great group! There are hundreds of people who would love to care for you, support you and pray for you.
Today is a great day to explore these opportunities. Know that you are not alone!
Check out the Hope Has Arrived Prayer and Support Group.
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How to find God’s hope, strength and peace
