Walking through the twists and turns of kidney cancer, I have learned to find strength in weakness.

What I mean is that I have learned to find power and strength beyond myself when I pray and ask God for help. When I depend on him, even when I’m weak, I find that I’m somehow strong.

Here’s my story.

My background

I grew up in northwest Iowa and later pursued nursing as a career. I married an Internal Medicine doctor, named Randy, whom I helped put through medical school when I worked as a nurse in various capacities, including a small-town hospital, a larger hospital cardiac unit and neurosurgical ICU and floor.

I had always planned on being a working nurse until we had our second son, who was born premature and has a rare genetic syndrome. God had prepared me with my medical experience to be able to take care of him.

It also helped prepare me to walk through my own health journey.

Warning signs

My experience began in 2021, when my annual physical revealed that I had high blood pressure. It was strange because I lived a healthy lifestyle and worked out regularly.

My doctor put me on medication to deal with my high blood pressure, yet a year later, further testing still flagged mine as high again. She recommended I get my kidneys checked, because sometimes problems with this organ can elevate blood pressure.

Reassurance

My husband reassured me that I likely did not have anything insidious, and I agreed. But the ultrasound revealed I had a very large mass on my kidney.

I was not thinking about cancer. I guessed it was an AVM, which is an arterial venous malformation, because I don’t meet any of the risk factors for kidney cancer and there is no history of it in my family.

However, a subsequent CT scan and surgery would soon reveal the truth: I had clear cell renal cell carcinoma.

This was the start of my cancer journey.

From bad to worse

I’m thankful for my medical knowledge because I am the type of person who wants to know all the details—don’t hold anything back from me. Yet that’s not always how it unfolded for me.

I had abdominal surgery to remove the mass, which included a 12-inch incision, and afterward, a nurse practitioner reassured me, “We got it all. You’re cured.”

I hoped she was right. The surgery recovery proved harder and more painful than I anticipated. Three months later, I got another CT scan.

Initially I heard it was clear. I breathed a sigh of relief and texted my friends and family the good news. But further interpretation of the scan revealed that I now had spots on my lungs and spine, which made it stage IV.

I soon updated my friends and family about the bad news.

A tough road

It has been a tough road ever since. I’ve tried various treatment paths, but most have resulted in the cancer growing or spreading.

I don’t try to think about dying, but it does cross my mind almost every day.

How I find hope, strength and peace against cancer

God has allowed me to experience many trials and hardships in my life. Yet as I look back, I can see how he has been faithful to take care of me in every situation.

With each circumstance, the roots of my faith keep growing deeper, and this is helping me handle the suffering as best as I can.

I don’t understand why cancer must be the plan for my life, but I trust that God will use it for good and His glory.

One verse from the Bible that has been especially meaningful is 2 Corinthians 12:9: “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness (NKJV).”

Strength in weakness

I have found this to be true in my life. I experience strength in weakness, because I have the Holy Spirit inside of me and Jesus is my Lord and Savior.

When I feel weak, his power shows up when I ask. Sometimes it’s giving me a boost of physical strength to get through a day when I don’t feel well. Other times it’s been emotional strength, helping change my perspective that leads me to gratitude for all that God has done in my life. It’s also been direct answers to prayer, like last summer.

Asking God for help

In July, I was struggling with pain from the cancer. I ended up getting a pleural effusion, which is when fluid builds up in the pleural space and causes chest pain, rapid breathing and other complications. I had to get a pleural drain, and due to the pain of it being placed, I couldn’t lay flat and had to sleep in a recliner in the basement.

One sleepless night, I remember pleading with God to please take away the pain. I experienced a miraculous answer. He shrunk the cancer in my pleural space, which helped stop the pleural effusions from happening which in turn, decreased that specific pain.

I got relief from the pleural effusions for three months and then the day before Thanksgiving, they returned. Currently, we are draining around 1000 ml every 24-48 hours. These have limited my physical abilities due to the shortness of breath it brings, but I just take one day at a time and ask for God’s help.

When I do so, he always shows up. He always does.

Where I’m at now

I’m currently on my 5th line of treatment of oral chemo which is also the last of my treatment options. When this drug fails me, we will move on to hospice care.

When I start to feel the weight of my circumstance, I continue to pray and reflect on the character of God. For example, his sovereignty gives me hope, knowing that he is in control of all things, and nothing can happen to me that doesn’t go through his hands first. This gives me gratitude and praise and strength.

How I have changed

I was raised to be a self-sufficient person, yet as my physical abilities have decreased due to this cancer journey, I have had to learn to rely on God’s strength more and more.

The gift of cancer is how you suddenly become very aware of what’s important and what’s not important. I have limited energy right now, so I must prioritize putting my energy into what is most important.

For me, that means spending time with the Lord, my friends and family. I love having a coffee date with a friend, gathering with my family, or hosting a Bible study at my house. I want to invest in things that are lasting – of eternal value.

Cancer or not, we all must figure out how we invest our finite time and resources.

Advice for others

If you are facing cancer, allow other people to walk this journey with you. Don’t isolate yourself; we all need community. I’ve found that when I’m honest and vulnerable with others, it gives them the opportunity to pray for me and support me.

Also, focus on living. While it can be easy to think about death, don’t make decisions from that place. I plan to make decisions from the place of living, and I encourage you to do so too.

Focus on the things that bring you joy. Take the trips. Do the things you want to now, and don’t put them off.

For those who don’t have a relationship with Jesus, consider turning to him. If we look only to ourselves, our strength is so limited. Yet with him, we can find limitless strength.

If you are feeling weak today, ask Jesus for help. He will give you everything you need that will empower you to face any circumstance.